Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
