This is not my ceiling
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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