How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
