ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
