Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
