i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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