She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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