Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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