smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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