Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
