i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
