her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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