brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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