Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
