She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
