Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
