You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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