Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
