is your mom at the bar?
I just threw up on my dentist
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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