she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
