This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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