when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
