He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i think i just lost a toe
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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