if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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