You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My pussy is not your playground.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
