It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The dick lei will go down in squad history
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
