I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
