i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
