the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
