Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
