you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
