My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
