My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
