He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
