Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
