I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Shame - the story of my life.
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