I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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