You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Screwed.edu
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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