So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
