Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
