She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
