It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The best revenge is premature balding
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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