Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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