just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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