I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
