I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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