I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
