yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
