Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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