my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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