I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize